Just Like in Movies 1/2
Pairing: Daejae (Daehyun/Youngjae)
Summary: Youngjae expected everything but for his life to turn into this big fat Telenovela.
A/N: Yeah. Well. This sucks and probably has a lot of mistakes so bare with me, I'm nice and cute so you have to forgive me, ok jk. I will fix everything as soon as possible, I have everything but time these days.
P.s: Part 2
The first time they do it, they are both dead drunk, but totally aware of what they're doing – how those two even fit, well, it’s pretty simple, every part of your mind, your body, your whole being screams that you’re about to have sex with your best friend, and there’s nothing not to be aware of there. Youngjae is totally blown off by Daehyun, and he somewhat wishes that nobody else ever slides his fingers, under his shirt, so delightfully, other than Daehyun himself.
He doesn't know if it's the alcohol speaking, or Daehyun really is the best kisser ever , the way he teasingly slides his lips over his own is insane, and, oh, a tounge on his neck and he's effing gone. He moves his head to the side to let Daehyun nibble and lick, while his nails dig deep into the latter’s shoulders.
He tells himself, dear Lord, don't let me regret this in the morning.
Something wakes him up at 10:53 (he doesn't know how he even remembers the exact time). He opens his eyes a little, just in time, and enough to catch a glimpse of the older pulling a black T-Shirt over his head – he could hear Yongguk whispering something to him, in effort not to wake the others up, but he couldn't care less about what. All he thinks about is how beautiful Daehyun's back is.
The second time they do it, Youngjae is sad. Not defined sad, but sad. He has this knot inside his stomach, and he can’t seem to get rid of it. He's not quite sure who to turn to, but he gets Daehyun in return. He is sitting alone on the rooftop, with his head leaned back, looking at the stary sky and the whole universe up stairs reflects in his eyes.
„I was looking for you“
Youngjae jumps a little. The voice surprisingly sends shivers down his spine and his shoulders get all lumpy all of a sudden. His heart skips 3 beats, and he has to ignore the urge to inhale deeply. He doesn't regret it, but something is pushing him to do so. It’s like high school crushes all over again, except, this isn’t a crush, but there’s something high school about it – he can feel it.
„Well, you found me“
The singer plants himself beside the blonde - He doesn't speak, he doesn't even look at him, which makes Youngjae doubt that Himchan has nothing to with this. He stares blankly in front of himself while Daehyun thinks about it. Really, he should just let it go, let things cool off a little bit, having sex with your best friend wasn’t exactly something you could’ve just ‘leave in the past’ or something – But he can’t do it – Sex or not, he was still that one person Youngjae could’ve always count on, and stupid, needy mistakes can’t get in the way of that. So he puts his arm around Youngjae's shoulders and pulls him closer – he shifts the latter's legs sideways over his own – the younger looks at him with a questionable look, but he gives in after mere seconds, ‘cause he’s dealing with the best friend in Daehyun at the moment, not that one he so eagerly kissed nights before – and lets the other lay his head on his shoulder. He can sense that the other is intense like hell, but that fades away pretty quickly. He moves his fingers gently across Youngjae's hand, over his neck and Youngjae - he just lets it be. He’s not sure if this is friendly or something more – or he’s just being paranoid. One – night stands are still one – nights stands, and there’s no next times or emotions or hidden feelings.
And then, there were these same gentle fingers, tilting his head up and they were kissing once again. At that moment, Youngjae lets go off the definition of one – night stands created by society. It's been a while, and although not so familiar, Youngjae missed it, Daehyun maybe even more. He tells himself that he can get used to Youngjae's hands around his neck and his fingers in his messy hair, period.
The third time they do it, Daehyun is angry, and Youngjae finds that funny. He is cranky, and he snaps at people, which, this time has everything to do with Himchan. In any other case, Daehyun would've just laughed along, but guess he woke up on the wrong side of the bed that day.
But Youngjae tests his luck anyway. He finds himself alone at the dorm, and goes for it. He is not horny, but, not lonely, he just, thinks about Daehyun waaay to much. There are always phases and momentary things, but you know how, when you think about certain things, like Youngjae with these discrete, weird feeling-ish feelings for Daehyun, really good, you’re 100% sure it won’t pass quickly. That’s where he was. He throws a glance into every room possible, until he finally finds him.
Daehyun immediately turns around, and hey, shouldn't he be out with the others, and sighs apologeticly.
„Sorry – „
But Youngjae is already in front of him. He puts his arms around lazily around Daehyun's neck and smiles widely when the other puts his own arms around his lower back and pulls him even closer to him, chest to chest. He still wonders if this is friendly or something more, but nothing’s friendly anymore, to be quite honest.
„A little cranky, aren't we? “, he whispers and gently kisses out the pout from Daehyun's lips, and then again, and one more time, and one more. He doesn’t think about what all this can lead to, but frankly, the future doesn’t scare him. The other leans in for more, but Youngjae teasingly avoids it, when Daehyun's lips are already on his own, causing the other to groan playfully and tackle him onto the bed.
It takes Youngjae a mere second to realize something.
The fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth time they do it (wow, they do it a lot), they get so used to it, it’s like a good morning to them both. When it came to that, they were like an old experienced couple, exactly knowing when the other is feeling like it, or just simply - is needing it. Every weak spot is carefully implanted in their minds and Daehyun doesn’t even need to think anymore, he just does it.
There were times when they’re not feeling like it at all, but are in the same bed yet again, and they just lie there, with Daehyun cracking jokes that make Youngjae giggle like a high school girl. He keeps a safe distance, ‘cause they had a contract that said #no level-up emotions, just sex, and Youngjae already feels like breaking the rules. He wants to think that this can be something more, but he then remembers that best friends usually do these kinds of things. Somehow Daehyun is always there to unconsciously stronger his will of having more to do with him, when he sees that Youngjae is tired, or just looks like he needs a bit of lovin’, and hugs him, lets him lay in the crook of his neck, while they lazily talk about something, anything and everything. Best friends do that.
Youngjae doesn’t exactly talk about how he feels when he’s with Daehyun these days, ‘cause it’s probably the hardest emotion he has to explain. It’s like all emotions mixed into one, and if somebody ever was to ask him “So, how is it?”, Youngjae would most probably swallow hard and his eyes would glitter like crazy. An old foreign saying says: who understands, will understand.
It’s unhealthy how they get attached to each other, beyond every definition of normal, they aren’t together, but they can’t get enough of each other, or can’t stand a day without doing something with each other, anything, even if it means just looking at each other for mere seconds, just to satisfy their needs. It’s beyond this best friends do that thing and the tricky part is, they can’t even admit it to themselves, not to each other.
They both act like it’s just a “I have needs” thing, and always look like they’re fine with where they are, and perfectly fine looking when they have to leave each other in the morning.
But the truth was, Daehyun could be a professional actor, when it came to things he really cared about, but was not really able to improve them, or fix them in any way. So he would be the “guy” in their little “affair” and act all swaggery, while his heart would be dropping six feet under, when Youngjae would leave his bed with no regrettable feelings, that showed that maybe there could really be more, like Daehyun crazily wished for, on his face.
The universe asked itself, how the hell he always managed not to catch that hurtful look that flew across Youngjae’s face every time Daehyun would carelessly wave goodbye at him.
It was also ridiculous how nobody noticed anything. It was probably because they were still two best friends that usually acted like that to them, so it was nothing unusual about it. It’s always Daehyun with Youngjae, and Youngjae with Daehyun, Youngjae and Daehyun this, Daehyun and Youngjae that. Even their standing order was all ‘let there be Daejae, NO, I SAID DAEJAE, yes, yes, just like that’. There was never this one person that was keeping them from standing next to each other, although, when you think about it, that’s absolutely ridiculous ‘cause It wasn’t even that important. There’s always the behind the scene scenes.
Youngjae thinks he’s being pretty obvious when he smiles whenever Daehyun is around. I mean, of course he would smile in his friend’s presence, but he feels exposed because he knows for what other reason is he smiling anyway.
Daehyun tries to act normal, but he knows he changes, even a little bit, when Youngjae is around.
It was always like that, but now he does it for a whole other reason.
And just those accidental touches and looks, that make Youngjae boil, and makes him feel like it’s 50 degrees in the room, and he’s always sure that people in the range of 50km could see him getting all red.
He just wants to cling onto Daehyun and kiss him for hours.
It’s that feeling when you get when you’re with someone and you just want the whole world to know it. Even if they’re technically not together.
They improvise for a while. A long a while. And somewhere along the road, everything gets fucked up.
Youngjae might be young, but he doesn’t take emotions for granted. He sometimes can’t even sleep, and the worst of all he can’t even eat. Himchan tries to compromise and Yongguk just tries, fails, and then tries again with the famous, dude, seriously, tell me, or I’m gonna beat it out of you, but he just ends up being dragged away from a not-sure-what-to-do Youngjae by Himchan. And then he comes back again a couple of times, staring at a silent vocalist, dragging his fingers through his oh, so blonde hair, seriously not sure what to do.
“I’m sure, whatever it is, he can handle it, he’s not a kid, you know”.
Himchan says to him one night, and Yongguk just looks at him, and keeps staring until the door squeaks lightly and Jongup’s head moves just a little bit inside, flashing them a soft, discrete smile, like he knows what they’re talking about, so he doesn’t want to push it too far, but neither hold it back.
‘Hey – can you come here for a second?’
He greets them both, but his question is directed at Himchan, and Himchan only, it was always like that and it will stay that way.
Yongguk actually knows it’s none of his business, but when you think about it, it hell sure is, because he is the leader in this ‘relationship’ he is the main responsible and should be informed about every single thing that happens inside this same dorm; he tries not to worry too much because everyone has those sad I’m-really-not-feeling-like-doing-an
Besides, he is the witness of Junhong’s violent tries to shove food inside Youngjae’s mouth and the latter laughs, ‘cause really, who wouldn’t, and he thinks, he’ll get over it, whatever it is. Himchan’s right. God forbid him to even try to meddle in this.
And Youngjae shouldn’t turn on the sink and cry so nobody else could hear him when things get out of control and beyond this physical attraction, really, he shouldn’t.
He wants the secret to not-attach yourself to the person that makes you scream like a porno-star, leaves these marks on your neck and carries yours on his back proudly. He is eager for this movie-like world where this kind of intimacy doesn’t leave traces not just on your skin, but underneath it too, and where maybe back hugs and whispers against his ear don’t mean anything at all.
He tells himself, it shouldn’t hurt so much.
Daehyun would like nothing more but not to leave when the sun rises, but he doesn’t want to complicate things. He is fine with this. He is fine. They’re fine. Youngjae is fine.
Maybe if he stays away, maybe if he fucks someone else, Yonngjae will completely disappear from his mind, naked in his arm, just begging him to push things further.
But they still do it, hoping to hide these new found feelings for each other – and you know things could be so easy, but they’re not, they can’t ruin this – they can’t ruin this Daehyun, they can’t ruin this Youngjae, what If he doesn’t feel the same (even though they have these accidental lock of eyes and it’s pretty obvious that they might be something more, but they ignore it, ‘cause eyes get blurry when you look at your friends sometimes), what if all of this turns to ash, what if everything new falls apart.
But they still do it.
Daehyun still slides in and out of Youngjae, his hand running down the latters tight, lips brushing against Youngjae’s every time he moves – Youngjae still has his hands behind Daehyun’s neck, head rising up and tilting to the side because Daehyuns tongue on his neck makes his insane.
It’s pretty obvious nothing’s like before.
A sleepy Youngjae appears behind Daehyun, wearing a shirt that was reaching his tights, rubbing his eyes cutely, while his messy morning hair seemed to be everywhere. Daehyun swallows hard. He thinks he hears hurt in his voice, a plead to stay just a little bit, but he shrugs it off, like many times before.
He looks down for a couple of seconds, sleepiness mixed with sadness, avoiding Daehyun’s gaze like it might push him over the edge, something from his stomach hitting the nerve close to his eyes, just to look up again with a foggy look and see the mentioned right in front of him, looking gently down at him. They stare at each other for a while, an obvious pink ghosting across Youngjae’s cheeks, and Daehyun wants to cry because Youngjae is just the prettiest thing on the planet.
He slides his hand onto Youngjae’s pink cheeks, tilting his head up a little, missing the hard gulp the young makes, moving closer to him, his other hand going to the other’s lower back, pressing him hard against his chest. The air gets heavy and everything is sad, ‘cause those are the scenes from which afterwards, the very moment they end, everything gets blown up into bits and pieces.
Youngjae looks down, then up, then down again, repeating the action –
‘Are you okay?’
Daehyun whispers to him, he whispers to him even though they’re alone, but he does it because these words he forms when with Youngjae are just for Youngjae, and Youngjae only, not for the rest of the world, not for the walls, not for windows and doors either. He wants to tell him that but they’re stuck in this magnet field that forms when the magnets are just about to crash into each other – and they stay there moving slowly in between the lines.
‘Yeah. I’m fine.’
He starts moving his head up again, his forehead meeting with Daehyun’s, their breaths mixing slowly but that’s good – their lips brush slightly, nudging lightly, before Youngjae flashes Daehyun his best small smile and pulls him by the shirt, kissing him softly.
To be quite honest, Youngjae feels like a high school girl with Daehyun kissing him, pulling him even closer, him feeling so small in the latter’s hands – and that should be great, but at that point he can’t deny it’s not even ‘like’ anymore. Those are the feelings that must’ve been there for a while before he triggered them with this game.
And it doesn’t help that Daehyun is pushing him against the wall, raising him up the wall, his legs curling around Daehyun’s lower back , the older running his hand slowly up and down his leg, tongues moving against each other, shaky ‘wow’ breathes echoing in each other’s ears – and that there’s nothing fucking sexual about it.
It’s just romance.
It hits Youngjae. It hits him so hard he can literally feel the pain building up in the place where he had taken the blow. He just stares, and stares, unable to register all the feelings he was getting, ‘cause he always told himself he’ll be calm if someone left him or cheated on him, but Daehyun wasn’t technically his, so he tried using that as an excuse not to cry in front of the whole world like his world just fell apart, ‘ cause really, it kind of felt that way.
Daehyun was sitting somewhere in the back of the club, barely seen, making out with some guy, that was actually Jongup, and he always had this thing appear whenever he saw the two of them together, he wasn’t sure what it was, but he thinks people called it jealously or something like that, and when he says making out he really means making out. It seemed to him the older knew a lot more when it came to his tongue than he showed to him.
And while he was standing there, not really sure – no, he was hell sure what was his whole organism trying to tell him, but he was too proud, and too scared to admit it – Himchan was actually speaking to him the whole time –
‘And then – …Youngjae?’
He inhales deeply. His heart finally skips those same 3 beats, 4 beats, like in the beginning, when he lets all of those emotions that were bottled inside of him, all of those feelings he actually had for Daehyun, accepting them, enlightening himself. His sight is blurry as hell, wet, red and burned and when Himchan was just seconds away from finding out everything, he had to leave.
He stuffs the glass into the commander’s hands, voice trembling, tears welling up in his eyes, on his angel-like face;
‘I-I-I am so, so, sorry’
He’s not even sure what’s he even apologizing for – he just knows it strains and that the hole is getting bigger and bigger and something is suffocating him, pulling him down. His lungs are no more, he’s on the verge of puking, head aching while he moves through the crowd that reeks on sex, drugs and alcohol.
He tells himself – no, I’m not gonna cry, maybe things are better like this.
It’s only natural to think comfort is somewhere inside alcohol and wild sex in the dark back stalls of night clubs. That those are the two things that can make you forget, even if it’s just for tonight, just for a moment.
And to be honest, Youngjae wasn’t quite a drinker, nor was he quite sure what exactly was he trying to forget.
He is stuck between wishing that certain things never happened and that these feeling would just go to hell, where they belonged. You add some stuff there, minus some things here, you sum everything up and maybe he craved for both – or was it the simple trace of pure, insane, unhealthy love for Daehyun and the other one he obviously couldn’t get in return he was trying to erase with other people’s cocks (he doesn’t even know why he talks about cocks and not vaginas all of a sudden).
Don’t get him wrong, no matter what’s the reason, he’s not a slut, he’ll never be a slut, he’s just one of those stupid people that actually think everything can be better if somebody else could just fuck him once, and Ta-dah, he’s okay.
For the truth was, nothing can be fixed like that; he just wants to see if it will work, just this time, if this is one of those one in a million situations.
He gasps for air when his T-shirt is suddenly nowhere to be found and somebody (let’s just call him somebody) finds the right to trace butterfly kissed down his neck, across his chest, stopping right where he should, or God help him.
It’s not working ‘cause he’s not paying attention – his body is, but his mind is somewhere behind seven hills and seven seas, picturing Daehyun doing this to him, because he’s in that stage of whatever people call it, where everything reminds him of Daehyun, even that cloud outside, behind closed red curtains.
He moans when Somebody bites on his neck and there will surely be a hickey there tomorrow, but there are no hickeys like Daehyun’s hickeys, and he’s the fucking headmaster; he wonders about it for the 50th time that same day and thinks how Daehyun’s bites and nibbles, licks, seemed like that love he’s talking about compared to this, but that’s just alcohol speaking, he’s pretty sure.
His lips are then swallowed and he’s played this sex game before but now Daehyun’s kisses seemed much more softer, sweeter, lovelier, sexier, breathtaking-ier , kind of like that love thingy people loved to talk about – but it’s the alcohol, blame it all on alcohol for trying to tell him something that wasn’t ever there.
‘You look like a panda’
Nothing is fine.
Daehyun moves on top of him slowly; they’re not having sex, they’re just – kissing, simple as that. They are full of these movements that are tilting their heads to different sides so the kiss can be deeper, slower, wetter, more of ‘I kind of like you too freaking much for this to be just a game’ than ‘This is really just a game’, but they both don’t realize that at the time.
The older one is like a magician that specializes in love potions and touches that make you crazy and you just want him closer and closer, his hands going warmly down your sides, your neck, your jaw line – everything they can touch;
Youngjae wants to tell him that he can’t breathe with glittery eyes, but he worries that it might blow his cover.
‘You look like a panda’
Daehyun whispers against his lips, the kissing now slowing down completely, becoming just brushes and nudges, but they both like that. Youngjae stops in his tracks to sink in the information, and when he finally does, he smiles so cutely; Daehyun finds it abnormally freaking hard not to eat him.
‘What are you talking about?’
He giggles and Daehyun can’t help but smile himself –
‘Fuck, you’re so beautiful, you know that? Especially when you smile like that – ‘
He traces the younger’s cheek with his thumb, caressing it ever so gently, looking him directly in the eyes, which makes Youngjae just blush violently and smile again.
‘See, right there, just like that – ‘
They just stare at each other for a while after that, their noses touching lightly.
Remember that line from Fight Club – Nothing is static;
‘Okay get out’
‘Wha – I though you – ‘
Everything is revolving.
‘Just – please – ‘
Everything is falling apart. Youngjae thinks, especially if it’s love.
He’s just glad JB is a friend and understands him a little.